People are becoming more aware of the toxic effects of narcissism, coercive control, and gaslighting. Gaslighting is an intentional attempt to force another person into questioning their view of reality. It is a form of emotional abuse, but it can be hard to spot the signs if you are the one being gaslighted.
People with narcissistic tendencies often use gaslighting to maintain control over their relationships. During a divorce, their sense of control may crumble, and they may ramp up their gaslighting to try to regain their power in the relationship. Here are some suggestions on how to recognize gaslighting during a divorce.
Common Gaslighting Tactics
Gaslighting is all about making you question what you know, want, and feel. Your spouse may gaslight you to undermine your confidence and sense of self. Gaslighters frequently distort the truth or tell outright lies. Even when confronted with proof of a falsehood, they will distort reality to make their lie the truth, and you can begin questioning your perceptions of reality.
For example, when you are trying to communicate something important, and your partner is gaslighting you, they may say you are overreacting, oversensitive, crazy, or out of control. Another favorite tactic of someone who gaslights is to deny, accuse, and reverse the victim and offender (DARVO). If they did something that you object to and you call them on it, a narcissistic gaslighter will turn the situation around and accuse you of creating the problem.
During a divorce, your partner may be determined to “win” any dispute. They may diminish your contributions and self-confidence until you stop asking for what you want and deserve. Working with a skilled and experienced family law team can ensure that you do not allow a gaslighting spouse to keep you from meeting your goals in the divorce.
Recognizing Emotional Abuse
Although gaslighting sounds easy to spot from the outside, it is not as simple when you are the one whose feelings and perceptions are being undermined. Gaslighting takes a toll over time. If you were married to a gaslighter, years of this form of abuse can do significant damage to your self-esteem and sense of personal agency.
Questioning your memories or perceptions is a sign of gaslighting. Always feeling that problems are your fault or in your imagination is an indication that your spouse might have been gaslighting you. Other signs that you have been a victim of gaslighting include:
- A loss of confidence;
- Feeling that your opinions are stupid or do not matter;
- Believing that you are unworthy or undeserving of respect or love;
- Taking all the blame for the failure of your marriage.
Working with a therapist can be very helpful in overcoming the damage your gaslighting spouse caused. It is also very important to work with legal professionals who are comfortable pursuing a litigated divorce and can support you through the process.
Expect a High-Conflict Divorce
People gaslight because they need to be in control and cannot see others’ points of view. These characteristics almost always lead to a contentious divorce as the narcissistic spouse will see compromise as a weakness and refuse to accept agreements even when they are favorable to them.
Your spouse may be so reliant on gaslighting they cannot function when they have to be straightforward and take responsibility for their decisions. These qualities can lead to a divorce process where the spouse is constantly creating drama and causing delays. Their attorney may be unable to persuade them to meet their obligations or act in good faith.
Our family law team includes seasoned trial lawyers who will aggressively fight back when your spouse makes outrageous accusations and demands. We will not allow the spouse to browbeat you into giving up on your goals for the divorce.
Work With an Aggressive Divorce Attorney When Your Spouse Is a Gaslighter
Recovering from marriage to an emotionally abusive spouse is a long process. When gaslighting has been a part of their abuse tactics, you might require a lot of support to get through your divorce.
Work with a legal team that offers the emotional support you need while aggressively pursuing your divorce goals. Reach out to the Atlanta Divorce Law Group today to learn more about recognizing gaslighting during divorce and how to protect yourself.
