One aspect of the divorce process that people do not talk about often enough is the fact that it can trigger an identity crisis. When you let go of your identity as a “spouse” and pivot to being single, that can shake up your self-confidence. My team and I have helped thousands of people who have gone through divorce navigate that low point, and we have learned a few confidence-boosting strategies along the way. If you are feeling low because of a divorce or other life change, these steps could help rebuild your confidence and turn your mindset around.
Yes, maybe you failed — but that doesn’t mean you need to let failure define you. Instead of viewing your divorce, lost job, or parenting mistake as a failure, you should think of it as the endpoint of a series of choices you made in your life. By reframing your failure as a choice, you can take back your power and control. It will not undo what happened, but you will feel like an active participant in your own life again. Instead of letting your failure define you, you should allow it to motivate you to make better choices in the future. That agency is where self-confidence starts!
Imagine the confident self you are striving to become. What is your outlook on the world? I’ll go first. When I am feeling uber-confident, I think, “Whatever decision I make, I trust myself to see it through until it becomes the best decision.” With that mindset, I have committed to doing whatever it takes to succeed, even if that means altering my course. Think about what your most confident self would be like and hold that image in your mind as you move forward.
If you lack confidence, what you really lack is trust in yourself. You need to rebuild that trust by setting small goals and following through with them. Make one commitment to yourself each day, like “I’ll go outside and spend five minutes in the fresh air,” “I’ll make one sales call,” or “I’ll open my new bank account.” Then, follow through on that commitment. When you consistently show up for yourself, you will learn to trust yourself.
Self-confidence is like a muscle. The more you exercise it by setting goals and achieving them, the stronger it will become. Once you are confident you can follow through on small commitments, add bigger ones. Then watch yourself grow.
When you feel negativity creeping in, tell yourself, “I can’t control the whole world. I can only control myself and my commitments.” That will help you stay focused on your most confident self.
As you set off on this journey, remember that self-confidence is a spectrum. Even if you are doing everything “right,” you will not feel like a 10/10 every day. Sometimes, your self-confidence muscle will get sore, and that is okay! Just remember your mantras and pick yourself up tomorrow. If it works for me, it might work for you, too. Reach out to the Atlanta Divorce Law Group for more individualized guidance through a range of family law issues, and for more resources to help you on your journey.