New Year’s is all about change, and nothing feels like a bigger transformation or brings about more life adjustments than getting a divorce. Whether their marriage lasted for two or 20 years, when a couple chooses to end their relationship, it requires a conversation about which parts of the relationship they want to leave behind and which parts they want to take with them into the future. One of the best aspects of a marriage is the partnership it brings: the ability to lean on your spouse for support during big decisions, problems, and opportunities. But when you make the choice to part ways, it’s as if a part of your identity dissipates as well. While navigating these feelings is a treacherous endeavor, a change in perspective this new year can make a world of difference.
If you’ve gone through a divorce recently, I want to challenge you to make these early months in 2019 a time for self-discovery and reinvention. Who are you apart from your former spouse? What are your core values? What do you believe in?
My team and I have worked with a number of people who viewed their divorce as a symbolic shattering of their character and identity. A person might spend their entire lives morally or spiritually opposed to divorce but now have to deal with their broken belief system in a very public way. This can easily leave a person in a dark place, feeling very alone. They know they are becoming a different version of their former self, but they have no control over it.
So here’s my challenge: Rather than accepting the perspective that your divorce is just an event that happened to you, try to view it as an opportunity to recommit to yourself. Rather than merely reacting to the changes brought on by a separation, take control of your new life and decide which steps you want to take as you move into the future. Establishing who you are now takes deep reflection and requires you to be truly honest with yourself, but by doing so, you are facing one of the most important facets of life — your ethos — with confidence, enthusiasm, and excitement for what comes next.
“Rather than merely reacting to the changes brought on by a separation, take control of your new life and decide which steps you want to take as you move into the future.”
Deciding who you are as a person gives you an opportunity to decide what kind of parent you want to be, what kind of friend you want to be, and what kind of partner you want to be in future relationships. Imagine how fantastic your goal-setting experience for 2019 could be if you made a commitment to make changes on your own terms.
As you head into 2019, if you feel any fear or trepidation about facing the new year on your own, try to set aside some time to review, reflect, and take control of your life. Let’s make it the best year yet.
~ Sara Khaki, Founder and Owner, Atlanta Divorce Law Group