Parallel Parenting: An Alternative to Co-Parenting With a Narcissist

Narcissistic Spouses Co-Parenting

Mar 12, 2025 | Content

Living with a narcissist is difficult, divorcing one is challenging, and co-parenting with a narcissist may prove to be impossible. Fortunately, there is an alternative.

Parallel parenting allows both parents to spend meaningful time with their children while reducing the need for interaction with one another. Our team can help you develop a parallel parenting plan that works for you and your family.

Different Parenting Arrangements Are Acceptable

In recent decades, fathers’ contributions to their children’s upbringing have been more greatly appreciated. Mothers and fathers often share parenting time relatively equally. They engage in co-parenting, which means working cooperatively to raise the children while living in separate households.

When one parent has narcissistic tendencies, co-parenting rarely works. However, children deserve the opportunity to have meaningful relationships with both their parents. Parallel parenting offers an alternative that minimizes family conflict.

The primary goal of parallel parenting is to reduce interactions between parents who have a high-conflict or volatile relationship. In many jurisdictions, courts will appoint a third party to act as a parenting coordinator to ensure the plan runs smoothly. A local family law attorney can provide more information about how courts in your jurisdiction manage parallel parenting arrangements.

How Parallel Parenting Works

When parents engage in parallel parenting, decision-making authority rests with one parent. Some parallel parenting plans give each parent sole decision-making authority over separate topics. Some plans give all the decision-making authority on every subject to one parent.

The plans are rigid about when children spend time with each parent. Typically, only one parent will attend a child’s school functions, games, and other activities. Child exchanges often occur at neutral public places, such as a police station or a shopping mall parking lot.

Challenges of Parallel Parenting

Parallel parenting only works when the rules are clear and both parties follow them. A parallel parenting plan should be explicit about issues such as:

Procedures for requesting changes to the parenting time schedule;
The presence of third parties, including extended family and romantic partners, during parenting time;
Guidelines on how the parents speak about each other to the children;
Guidelines for responding to medical and other emergencies concerning the children;
Methods of communication between the parents when necessary.

Depending on the specific issues that often come up between the parents or concerning the children, other detailed provisions may be necessary.

Parallel parenting reduces collaboration, so there is likely to be a different set of rules, expectations, and disciplinary approaches in the two homes. This can be a challenging adjustment for children. Parents should carefully consider the stress this adjustment may cause against the harm children might experience from being regularly exposed to parental conflict.

When one parent is a narcissist and refuses to adhere to the rules of the parenting plan, it may become necessary to seek a court’s approval to modify the plan to place sole custody with the other parent. It is always advisable to work with a family law attorney when pursuing modifications to a parenting plan.

Develop a Parallel Parenting Plan With a Family Law Attorney

If you are currently divorcing a narcissist or dealing with a parenting plan that requires too much contact with your former partner, contact our divorce law team for help. We can help you develop a comprehensive parallel parenting plan. When parallel parenting does not work due to a narcissistic parent’s behavior, we are prepared to discuss alternative solutions with you.

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Parallel Parenting: An Alternative to Co-Parenting With a Narcissist

Different Parenting Arrangements Are Acceptable

How Parallel Parenting Works

Challenges of Parallel Parenting

Develop a Parallel Parenting Plan With a Family Law Attorney

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