March 18, 2026
9 min
Many parents going through divorce struggle with a difficult and often unspoken emotion: jealousy over their child’s relationship with the other parent. What may begin as a natural reaction—especially during a time of loss and transition—can quietly turn into competition for a child’s affection, validation, or loyalty. And when that happens, children can end up caught in the middle of dynamics that were never meant for them to carry.
In this episode of The Happily Ever After Divorce® Podcast, Atlanta Divorce Law Group’s Sara Khaki and Shawna Woods explore how these emotions can surface in co-parenting relationships and why they sometimes lead parents into unnecessary conflict—or even litigation. Together, they discuss how to distinguish between normal shifts in a child’s preferences and true parental alienation, why self-awareness is critical during and after divorce, and how parents can refocus on the shared goal that matters most: raising a happy, healthy child who feels secure in the love of both parents.
empowered people make informed decisions that lead to living a life without regret. This is Sarah Khaki and Shana Woods from Atlanta Divorce Law Group. And this is the Happily Ever After Divorce podcast.
Welcome to the Happily Ever After Divorce Podcast. I’m Sarah Khaki and I am joined by our managing partner, Shawna Woods. Shawna, I have seen this from time to time in our clients. I’ve also seen it in ⁓ our clients’ ex-spouses, current spouses, when one parent gets jealous ⁓ over the other parent’s relationship with the children. And it can show up.
in many ways that then, you know, they claim, this parent’s doing this wrong or doing that wrong, where the emotional background story really is they’re having a hard time with the other parent having a stronger relationship. Have you seen this manifest itself?
You know, it’s, I don’t think it’s uncommon that as children grow and mature that they naturally ⁓ generate or go to one parent over the other. It may be a gender thing, where as they get into puberty, they’re naturally drawn to their own It could be a personality trait that, you know, one parent’s really into sports and another parent is really into art.
And whichever child is into that also generates towards that parent. So I think it can be a very natural thing when some children have a stronger bond with one parent over the other. We used to see this often when moms primarily raise children, the children have much stronger bond with mom than they would with dad. Downs are much more involved nowadays. And I do see a little bit of a trend going where moms
are actually becoming a lot more jealous of the time and the relationship that the children are developing with their. And that can cause some problems.
Right.
especially, you know, I think when a marriage is in a partnership, the family’s in a partnership and they both understand, they just want the best for the children and they’re like, okay, you know, I understand she’s teenager right now. She wants to talk to her mom about girly things, but I think these things cause tension when there’s a divorce happening or post divorce when you are trying to co-parent. ⁓
or parallel parents and you get the sense of, have to share my child, right? Or when you hear, I think this also becomes difficult, when you hear your child speak like your former spouse, right? sometimes you see an undertoning of like competition between two parents. I think it’s, of course this could be human, right? Or human.
But I just think it can be very, harmful to the children when it turns into becoming overly litigious over issues that aren’t quite right for enough or really even legal issues to be dealt with. It’s just more harmful and driving the children out. We’ve seen this in parental alienation cases ⁓ where it’s not necessarily parent alienation, meaning that, you know, one parent speaks badly of the other parent or manipulates the child, influences the child to bring them closer to themselves, that distance the child emotionally from the other parent. We see that in a lot of cases like that where one parent claims there’s parental alienation going on, their child doesn’t want to spend time with me anymore, the child ever since she turned 14, she wants to go over there. Well, yeah, some of it might be that, but some of it may just be that it’s a teenager.
It could be. And I think what you were describing is very accurate. Some of these things are very natural and normal in intact families and they can become very toxic. Like a lot of things can become toxic through a mid-post divorce. You said something very interesting and something that I hear clients say a lot, share my child. Yes. And I know you said that intentionally. That’s the kind of reframing that I wish people would get out of is it is not
Right.
your child is the child that you guys have together. They are 50 % of you, they are 50 % of your other parent, and they deserve to have both parents in their lives. You talk about parental alienation, there can be a tendency if you know your child is fond of you. And maybe they’re going through a rough time with the other parent to feed into that. And that feeding into it is the toxicity. know, that talking bad about the other parent.
even if the child starts at first, Instead of saying, I’m so sorry you had a rough time at your dad’s, or I’m so sorry to hear that your mom said that, how do you feel about it? And okay, well, let’s talk about how to make it better. That’s a good way to engage, but a lot of times what happens when you are going through a toxic situation is that you tend to lean into that. Oh, that felt good to me.
Right.
Tell me more. even commiserate in a way that billifies the other parent. Now, we started out with saying, you jealous? I really think that that parent who’s leaning into that information is jealous of the other parent, even though they’re not the ones with the really tight relationship at that moment. Because if you weren’t jealous of the other parent, why are you?
creating more drama and more chaos in that situation. You have a reason and you need to examine that reason of what you’re doing and
So, so much of what you’re describing requires a high level of awareness, a high level of human awareness conquering animal instinct. You know what I mean? I do. Because there is so many themes here that is pure animal instinct. My child, right? That is, I think if a lot of parents were honest with themselves, and I can emotionally go there as well, right? Lynn, you have a child. do. I have children.
That is a, that is kind of like, you know, that is in you. There is somewhere inside of us as a parent where you’re like, that is my child. And that’s an animal instinct. And obviously as humans who have the benefit of memory, the benefit of a subconscious, a conscience. I mean, I don’t know enough about the animal world to know how much of that stuff they have like humans, but we do have the benefit of.
rising above our animal instinct and exercising human awareness, which is exactly what you’re recommending. Bring some awareness to the table of where’s your emotion playing part? Where are you seeking validation? Where are you seeking, you know, another animal instinct here? It’s like competing, competing for a scarce resource, which might be the attention of your child. It might be the time of your child. That’s a very animal instinct thing to do, right? There’s a scarce resource now on the table, which is the attention, validation, and love, affection, and time of this child.
And I am like, my animal instincts are fighting your animal instincts for that. And those are all recipes for a very toxic setup for the child, which can turn somebody into having a contempt case, alienation case, and hopefully they can avoid all of that by having that human awareness and a very simple and things I am feeling, are they ⁓ factors that would allow me to give my child love, security, and self-esteem, or are my feelings asking to receive and take love, security, and self-esteem from my child? And I think that is a good litmus test to know, ⁓ I giving or am I trying to take?
And I think jealousy has roots in that.
That is such an important refrain. And the other refrain that I would challenge parents with is that your goal for children should be to have them reach adulthood happy and healthy and ready to move forward. And you have a partner in this, whether you realize it or not. Even if you are not working together all the time, if you both know that goal and that is your goal and the
Right.
everything you read through your your positions on what they should be doing is focused on that goal then that jealousy can subside. You no longer are competing with this other person you’re competing with the world to create a happy healthy person. Thank you.
Right.
That’s fantastic.
Thanks for listening to the HAPPILY EVER AFTER Divorce podcast. If you’d to learn more, go to elanadivorceloggroup.com forward slash resources.
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