January 26, 2026
Empowered people make informed decisions that lead to living a life without regret. This is Sara Khaki and Shawna Woods from the Atlanta Divorce Law Group, and this is the Happily Ever After Divorce Podcast.
Sara, Shawna & Tara
Hello, this is Sara Khaki with the Atlanta Divorce Law Group, joined by our managing partner, Shawna Woods, and welcome to another episode of the Happily Ever After Divorce Podcast. Today, Shawna is going to discuss the fantasy that we bring into our expectations for our happily ever after in our marriages and our relationships — where that comes from, and whether it sets us up for success or failure. Shawna?
Well, thank you, Sara. I think it’s a great and really interesting conversation. And we really do have three different kinds of generations here to talk about. And the fact of the matter is, I think no matter what age group you’re in, you were kind of raised with a fantasy love trope from the very beginning.
I know they’re getting better about it, but you know, they start with the books of the prince and the princess, right? And the princess is always waiting for her prince to come and begin her life. And I think that’s one of the things that starts this kind of question: is that what we’re waiting for to begin our life? This grandiose love, right?
And they really don’t go beyond when they fall in love or they get married, and then it ends — and that’s your happily ever after, right? Talking about how these things are consistently put into our lives, I think is really important.
Tara grew up in Disney worlds, basically, with a lot of the Disney princesses. What was that like, and how did that influence your idea of love?
I think it’s hard when you grow up with those certain examples because, growing up, I always thought that love was supposed to be this big, grand, passionate thing, and it was supposed to be easy. And because all of the issues that Disney princesses face are stuff like… some of it is crazy. Like in Little Mermaid — she lost her legs, had no voice, and had to get them back. But other than that, they don’t really show any kind of real-life issues. And I know they do that because it’s kids movies, but when you’re showing these grand acts of love and then in real life it does not work out that way, it’s like: what’s wrong with me? Why is that not happening to me? And then it kind of sets you up to compare yourself to other people and their timelines and what they’re…
I think that’s a really important thing that you just said: “Why is that not happening to me? This is what I was taught was going to happen. Am I not the princess? Am I not the special one because this is not happening to me?” Sara, you grew up differently than, I would say, a typical American. What was your experience early on?
Well, Disney definitely did make it to Sweden. My first movie in the movie theater was The Little Mermaid. When Tara was talking about this, I was thinking to myself — so I grew out of the Disney concept probably around the age of early, early teens, like right before you start hitting the teenage years. That’s when that Disney concept becomes “okay, this is cute,” right?
But I realized what perpetuated what was built into the belief system. Under the age of seven is when your subconscious mind is still ahead of your conscious mind. Everything’s going into the subconscious — your beliefs are being formed. So Disney is really hitting little girls and boys prior to the conscious mind being able to think for itself and question things. It goes straight into the belief system. And then you have to deconstruct that when you get older.
But the trouble is the rom-coms in the early teens start perpetuating that whole happily ever after. And the TV shows — when I was growing up, 90210 — I mean, Brenda and Dylan were supposed to be forever. To this day, I’m very upset about that breakup. I think it broke something inside of me.
You really do — you’re so invested because it’s like this spark, this “it’s the one.” They’re selling you on “there is one person.”
And all those TV shows — I don’t watch enough TV now to know — but the TV shows of our generation, there was usually a six-character cast or a five-character cast, and in that cast there was the “it couple” that was meant for each other. If you were Rachel, you were looking for your Ross. If you were Brenda, it was your Dylan, and so forth.
And I think that is where I’m now thinking: wow, what was probably formed in my unconscious mind through Disney as a little girl — and even if I was smart enough to question it by the age of 10 or 11 and think “this is funny,” — then I got taken over by those shows. Because a movie comes and goes, but a show lives in your life for years. You follow these characters.
Saved by the Bell — oh my God, Kelly and Zack — that was…
For years.
I remember coming to America thinking, “I’m going to find my Zack.” Right?
Right. It’s exactly the same kind of trope that we’re talking about. It’s the captain of the football team and the cheerleader — they’re meant for each other. Or two smart people — they’re meant for each other. They’re the enemy, they’re the forever.
And once — this is the part that I think gets really interesting — once they get to the altar and they get married, it’s like: done.
It ends. There is no more after that. And I think that with the rom-coms, that does continue into our lives. And I think there’s nothing wrong with these types of shows and movies — we all get invested. We can have major discussions about whether Rachel and Ross were or were not on a break. (They were.)
We watch TBS and we watch it all day long. They were, by the way. It’s the formal opinion.
I don’t know if this was after you guys’ time — maybe you were a little bit too old when this show came out — but Gossip Girl was my show. And I can’t remember off the top of my head how many seasons they had, but exactly what you said — all I wanted was to find my Chuck. All I wanted was Blair and Chuck. And I know that they went through a lot in the show, but exactly what you said — at the end of the show it fast-forwarded, I think it was a year or two, and then the last episode was them getting married — and then nothing.
And so it’s odd to see exactly what we’re talking about — that everything just kind of stops once you get to that point.
You know, that is the fantasy versus the reality, right? Because the fantasy is we get invested in these stories — but the reality is our lives don’t stop once we’re in a relationship. We still have careers, we still have children, we still have interests in life and other things to do.
But these shows — if you really buy into them — they really are trying to sell you hard that there is a “one” out there.
One of the movies — I used to love this movie, I really did — until I got older and I started deconstructing it and I was like, maybe this isn’t the greatest example of what love is — Serendipity, from the early 2000s.
Adam Sandler and Kate Beckinsale? No — wait — it wasn’t Adam Sandler. It was John…
It was definitely John Cusack. He was the ultimate 2000s rom-com guy.
I went to that bakery in New York just because of that movie.
Yes! But when you think about it — this whole thing about “serendipity” — you’re supposed to buy into “they’re meant to be together” because it’s written in the stars. She wrote her name in a book, he wrote his name on a dollar bill, and years later they come back because they were meant to be together.
When you really deconstruct it, one — they met each other while they were both in other relationships.
It’s written in the stars.
And then, right on the verge of committing to other people — getting married to other people — that’s when they go to find “the one” again. And I think one of the things we have to be really careful about is when we’re being sold this fantasy — what is it we’re being sold?
And how many value systems are we breaking for this fantasy? I mean, you’re absolutely right. And one of my absolute favorite ones is My Best Friend’s Wedding — oh my God — probably the best of all time. Truly. She is working to break an engagement, and you’re rooting for her! The whole time, you’re rooting for Julia Roberts to steal the guy from Cameron Diaz, who is about to walk the altar with him.
There was another one like this recently. It’s interesting because now I’m watching these movies with my children — not that one, because it’s still not age appropriate — but we were watching The Parent Trap. The one I remember — again — you have a situation where the couple that you don’t want to end up together is at the altar about to get married, and all of a sudden he says, “I can’t do this, I’m…” you know — and then he’s been with somebody else. And the bride at the altar is turned into the villain — the one getting dumped and embarrassed in front of everybody — while he’s been emotionally cheating with somebody else. You’re sitting there as an audience member going, “Yes! She’s so bad — leave her!”
I love that one.
But you do love them — and you are invested — but you see yourself as the person who is “the one” instead of the person who’s being rejected and jilted. And it leads back to something Tara said — “Why am I not the one? Why isn’t that person leaving at the altar and coming to find me?” And I think it sets up really unhealthy boundaries and not a real good sense of self.
The one I keep coming back to that really makes me laugh — do you guys remember Runaway Bride? Now, I gotta say — in hindsight — really love this.
Yes! I mean — you have Julia Roberts and Richard Gere reunion.
Right — how could you not love it? But speaking as someone who was, let’s say, engaged a few times before I was 21 — and never married — and my parents really thought it was funny. I didn’t think it was so funny at the time.
But one of the lines — or one of the things that happens — is she has to learn what kind of eggs she likes. And I think that really speaks volumes to this fantasy versus reality.
Yeah, I remember that.
“I need to go learn myself before I can get in a relationship with you.” And one of the things that he says — love that line — he goes, “I guarantee you, at some point in time, one or both of us is going to want out of this.”
And that is real. So real. We’re going to have a whole episode where we talk about the reality piece — and that line says it all.
That is one of the ones that really does speak volumes. And I do think these are fun and we can have a good time with them, and I’m not knocking Disney, I’m not speaking bad about rom-coms, but I think we really have to look and deconstruct: are we buying so into it that we’re cheating ourselves?
And breaking our own values because we’re blinded by the fantasy. Exactly. But I will speak up on behalf of the rom-coms and the amazing ‘90s TV shows and Disney. Besides the fact that they taught me English, there is another big benefit to them.
I am such a fan of partnership. For me, partnership is a core value. I think partnership is huge. Now, whether that looks like a marriage or in a different form, I think partnership is really, really important. Partnership is a way we grow as people.
I do think a lot of these shows, in their best shape and form, promote partnership. They promote something inside of us that wants to seek that and wants to find that place where you feel completely safe being ultimately vulnerable and raw in front of somebody who’s your person.
I do think that if there was some sort of way where we could also teach that this isn’t where it ends — the altar isn’t where it ends — the work actually begins after that. But I believe media markets partnership well enough to wake up something inside of you to go seek it.
Now, in the next episode, we can talk about how it sets you up for failure once you find it — with the unreasonable expectations it sets. But for me personally, I was such a — Shawna, you’re the same, Tara’s the same — such a self-reliant person growing up. And especially growing into being a teenager — I didn’t know if I would ever get married. I didn’t know if I was ever even going to find “the one” or if “the one” would ever even want to be with somebody like me.
So I’m glad it woke something inside of me at least to say, “Hey, I’m interested to learn more about this. I’m interested to have this,” right? At least fight and work for it.
Yeah, I think a lot of it has to do with where you grow up too. Because my personal experience is I did grow up with the Disney movies that transitioned into the Twilight — because I was a huge Twilight person — and that transitioned into these rom-com shows.
And growing up in California, it’s not common to get engaged while in high school or right out of high school, and then get married right out of college. And so coming from that to being in the South in my older adolescence and young adulthood, I’m seeing everybody around me getting married and getting engaged too. And then that’s where it comes into, “What’s wrong with me?”
And it’s because now my current surroundings are what’s showing me, “Okay, you…” — I told my mom this when I was visiting her a couple weeks ago — I said, “Mom, my clock is ticking. My clock is almost up.” And she’s like, “Tara, you’re 25. You’re going to be okay.” And I’m like, “No, I’m old. That means I’m old.” And she was like, “No, Tara.” She goes, “It’s normal to wait.” And I’m like, “No, it’s not. Everybody I know is engaged or married with kids.”
And she was like, “Okay, well, Tara — you go travel, you go do what you want to do, and then you decide to settle down.” But it’s different whenever — I genuinely feel like if I would have stayed in California my entire life, I probably wouldn’t be feeling this way. I would feel like I’m on my own timeline. But then coming to the South, I’m like, “My God, I’m this old maid that’s never going to get married.” So I think it really just depends on that too.
Sure. I have a fun game I want to put you guys through. So here’s the game: Disney Princess goes to therapy and shares her story, and I’m going to tell you what the therapist says to her — and you’re going to guess the Disney Princess. Okay? Ready?
Ready.
Therapist: “So you went to live with seven people you didn’t know, and you got poisoned by food a stranger offered you. I’m simply impressed with your capacity for trusting people.” Name this Disney princess.
Snow White.
Good job. Next one. Therapist: “The guy lied to you the entire time and you’re still going to marry him? Nope.”
Beauty and the Beast.
There are a lot of “I lied to you” stories…
Yes, but…
Who lied about who they were to the princess the whole time?
Jasmine, guys!
Oh yeah. Seriously — they’d kill us for that one.
Alright, next one. Therapist: “You danced for a couple of hours at a party and now you think he is the love of your life? Tell me more about that.”
Cinderella.
Can we just pause this quiz really quick — the fact that, how did this one shoe fit one girl in the entire village? Like that was the one plot hole I had with that movie. I know it was supposed to be magical, but how does Cinderella have a one-size foot? Like no one else could fit her shoe.
Because she’s the one.
Thank you. Mic drop.
Next one. Therapist: “So basically, you changed your whole self just to fit into his world.”
Ariel.
Yes. Next one. Therapist: “Did you really ‘let it go’?”
Frozen.
Yes — Elsa.
Next one. Therapist: “Wow. So you saved China for your father’s approval?”
Mulan.
Next one. Therapist: “It doesn’t matter how many books he gave you — he’s still your captor.”
Belle!
Good job. Next one. Therapist: “Let’s talk about consent while you’re unconscious.”
Sleeping Beauty!
Good job, ladies.
So just to sort of wrap up our fantasy segment — I wanted to share that the whole concept of our trademark “Happily Ever After Divorce” is really to touch on this idea of fantasy setting us up for failure — in setting us up for expectations that our partner may never be able to meet for us — and making the whole divorce process so much more painful than it needs to be.
The idea of “I am going to find the one, and after we walk down the altar we’re going to have our happily ever after without any conflict, without any work, without any moments where one or both of us are going to want to get out of it.”
When we first trademarked Happily Ever After Divorce and came up with the concept, it wasn’t just to talk about the after-chapter and being able to create a beginning from something that didn’t turn out to be a healthy place — taking life into your own hands and taking responsibility for it and creating what you want — but also to poke a little fun at this concept that’s been fed to us since we were children.
And I think that’s basically all we have to say about the fantasy piece.
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An attorney can work to help you emerge from your divorce in a better financial, legal, and personal situation than you may have imagined. Call today to schedule a consultation.
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